Actions speak louder than words.



So, most of my posts have had a very positive spin on them, because I feel like whatever you want to achieve you should be in that mind frame of success. Also, they have been things that I have learnt through the many books I’ve read, and through my own experience. However, this week I’ve really been thinking that my actions really aren’t matching up with my words. Since starting this I have made a lot better choices, and I have been doing a lot better than I was before, but it’s still not right. I feel like you do the best you can with what you know. But, that stupid tool we use in our brains, where we justify things that don’t logically make sense, are starting to drive me mad.

I’m not going to lie, I don’t eat a perfect, well-rounded diet, where I eat 3 proper, nutritional meals a day. Especially right now when next week are my finals, I usually run off of coffee in the morning, with a piece of fruit, and then snack on baby carrots and grape tomatoes, and maybe have a greek yoghurt for “lunch”, and then dinner time I probably eat too much. I don’t eat unhealthy food, in fact I have healthy food, just too much of it. Some of the main things I eat for dinner are a homemade pizza where I use a minimal amount of flower, and minimal amount of cheese. I also do it half-half, because my husbands side has salami, tons of mozzarella, and other bits, but my side is made with minimal cheese, and more feta cheese with spinach. That’s all my side is, spinach and some feta cheese. Otherwise I do eat corn-tacos often too. I cook lean beef pieces with minimal oil, and only seasoned with salt, pepper and lime juice. Then I load them up with lettuce, tomatoes, and onion, and some cheese and salsa. This week I have cut out dessert. I’m no longer eating anything sweet in the evening, but I have been eating popcorn. I also felt like I completely failed yesterday because I had a banana for breakfast with black coffee, then a greek yoghurt around midday, and then after getting home at 5 I went and got some chicken pieces from KFC. I actually logged my food yesterday and my total still came to 910 calories total.

So, it may seem like I’m starving myself throughout the day, but it’s more of a, forgetting to really eat, and not having the motivation to eat when I have so much school work to cover. But the fact is, if i’m trying to reach a goal of being healthy, fit, active, and toned, I shouldn’t be eating like this. My calories are usually way under my limit, but I’m not losing any weight. That makes no sense to me, except I attribute it to drinking tons of water, and the large amount of squats I’m doing is creating more muscle mass. But the other day when I was at the grocery store my brother-in-law was behind me, and I saw what he was buying, and then what I was buying, and it was like this wall of denial and justification evaporated and I was left with the reality. There he was, the guy who amazingly lost 50lbs and has completely turned his lifestyle around buying a few vegetables…and then here I am with my shopping basket. It’s not even that I was buying horrible food, in fact I was buying ingredients for tacos, but I also had some unhealthy snacks too, and it just basically made me see the difference between someone who actively makes choices to eat healthy, and someone who is only doing it half-heartedley.

When I look at what I’m doing, I see that:

  1. I need to eat the lightest meals around dinner time instead of not really eating all day, and then having a large meal for dinner.
  2. I need to exercise more. I don’t walk as much as I should because I don’t make enough time for it, and I like to take my dog with me. The problem is my dog is a Chihuahua/Terrier mix, and so he’s frightened of his own shadow. Taking him for a walk can be an ordeal and I end up carrying him for a part of it. Mostly though, the fact that he doesn’t keep up a good pace means I’m not getting a workout from it. But any exercise is better than nothing right? My walks usually last 45 minutes and involve a lot of inclines.
  3.  I should eat proper meals during the day. I don’t know if how I eat during the day is terrible, it’s just I could probably eat more. Snacking on veggies probably doesn’t constitute lunch. When I get on a roll with my algebra or one of my papers I turn into a mad scientist who doesn’t leave her lab (computer). So before I know it 11am turns into 3pm and I realize I haven’t eaten anything.
  4. My husband and I don’t have kids so our lifestyle is very lax. Too lax. I’ve often told him that we live like a couple of teenagers. I’m not saying we sit around smoking pot, and then eat Cheetos. It’s just that we don’t have to do a proper grocery shopping, or sleep at a certain time, or have certain food in the house like milk and bread so our children don’t get taken by CPS. Basically, we need more structure, and to grow the fudge up.
  5. I need to do more core-strength training. I have to make time for crunches, weights, squats etc.
  6. I can’t use every hiccup as a reason why my diet can go on hiatus. This week I had a medical issue come up, and I currently live in the U.S. so you can probably assume I have no health insurance. But, no need to fret, Obama is coming to the rescue…………..Back to reality though, stress is more reason to find BETTER ways to cope than drinking like a sailor and eating like Honey Boo Boo.
  7. Just because I don’t look like Adriana Lima in week 2 does not mean what I’m doing isn’t working.

So I think it’s time to stop sailing my little canoe down the river of denial and get my shit together.