An off week & a question for you all

I have not written a blog post in a few weeks and I’ve missed it! I have had a very hectic couple of weeks and after my last finals I had two weeks off from school. It was definitely a much needed break because I was just studying non stop. I went to Vegas again for my husband’s birthday, and this time we went to see some more scenery and headed up to Red Rock Mountains. It was beautiful there and we took a very short hike. If I had the right shoes on I would have liked to go further, even in the high heat of the desert! In the second photo you will see we saw some weird spiral rock formation.

IMG_3149IMG_3200So, I wanted to come on and admit my failures and the fact that I am a hypocrite. I know the last couple of posts have been very positive and my last post was about being committed wherever you are. But, being on vacation and then coming back to a lot of stress made me fall off track for a week. I don’t deal well with stress and that paired with my anxiety disorder is why I developed an addiction to food in the first place. I just wanted to come on and be real and admit that the journey to a goal is not always perfect. I’m not perfect and I have my weaknesses that can rear their ugly head now and then. I have never been someone who eats when they’re depressed. In fact that is the time I don’t eat anything! But when I am really stressed I have difficulty coping with it well and it is something I continue to work on.

I have been stressed because I am now in my last semester before I graduate with my AA degree with a 4.0 GPA. I have really worked my butt off in school and it has been my priority. But lately I have really been stressing about what major to pick and I am torn between how viable it is to follow your passion, and whether I should choose stability and security instead. I could very well have both but it is stressful! In our current time when technology is changing rapidly, the work market isn’t the same. Having a degree is now just 50% of what you need, when it used to be ALL you needed. But I’m not going to go into that in this post.

Other than that our lease on our apartment was ending so we were looking for a new place to live, and home hunting is almost as trying as job hunting! Long story short we decided to stay where we are because we like it, it was just expensive. So now there is the stress of having to work harder to pay crazy So-Cal rent prices. The fact is though that for me when things are really stressful and more so undecided and unknown, that is usually when I lose control. It’s hard to stay on track when you don’t know what life will be in a month from now, or two months from now. I didn’t know where I was going to live, whether I should move back to Australia, which school to study my BA in, nothing. That really affects a goal achieving process. In order to be successful, you really need to lay a strong foundation down and have a plan. Being wishy-washy and indecisive gets you nowhere. This was just a very strange week too because my lovely grandmother-in-law passed away and I wished that I had gotten to know her better and driven down to San Diego to see her more. My dad also finally sold his business that he owned for 20 years!

During these times when life gets crazy and you don’t have control over things, you have to let go and let things work out. One of my favourite quotes:

quotes-1012.jpg

I think it is during these times, and afterwards that we can really see what we truly want. After this past week of eating poorly I really saw just how much I hate the way I used to eat. It has only been one week and I already feel drained and just plain disgusting. It’s only been a week and I already don’t feel as confident about the way I look as when I was on track. It really shows how important eating well is both physically and mentally. And the danger is that the longer you let it go on, the harder it gets to get back on track. It doesn’t help to beat yourself up over it, just get back on track as soon as possible. Now that I am back in school I am getting right back on track and I am even going to try cutting meat out of my diet. I would like to become Pescetarian for both health and environmentally conscious reasons.

I have also been researching the whole idea of following your passion as a viable career choice. I think after the ¬†“The Secret” came out everyone was almost misguided and disillusioned by the message of that film. I definitely believe in the law of attraction but I really wanted to look into what it really means and what it takes to truly live a life beyond obligations and necessity. I mean how many people do you know that are living or pursuing their passion? Even when I look at people who are doing well, or at least decent they are not living their passion.

So I’d like your input on this:

Is it better to pursue your passion, even if you risk failure and struggling financially? Or, is it better to pursue a career that isn’t necessarily your passion but that you have some interest in and could tolerate doing as work?

Advertisements

Reality of Success

It’s funny how scary success can be when it finally comes. All we strive for is success, and we keep visualizing how amazing it will be and how everything will change. But, when it comes around often we don’t even feel ready for it. I actually think success can be just as scary as failure. I think it’s scary because success doesn’t really mean you’ve arrived, it means that now you have to step it up. It’s probably why a lot of people, including myself, put off doing things for so long. When you’re working on a goal you have to realize that achieving that goal isn’t the end, it just sparks off a new path; more opportunities. Success means having to now maintain that new lifestyle. It’s the same way with good things happening in your life, it can make you anxious. When too many good things start coming into your life you start getting worried that something is wrong and that something terrible is sure to follow. I know this isn’t the case for everybody but it seems fairly common.

Since I decided to live ¬†more purposefully and consciously, my life has been going really well. I finally feel like I’m on the right path and that I’m not wasting my time and watching life go by. When you start following all the things you believe in and are consistently working towards your goals everything seems to fall into place.

photo 2-7

I still have a ways to go before I achieve most of my goals, but certain little successes have been coming my way. Today I saw that I have lost a total of 15lbs so far, which is really awesome. I also recently have been applying for other jobs, namely at banks because my major at Uni is business finance. I haven’t had luck for a while, but after applying for the 3rd time to the same bank I finally got a call back for an interview yesterday. I initially missed the call and listened to the voicemail, and I actually asked myself whether I even wanted to call the staffing agency back! It scared me that I would actually have the chance to change jobs and get into something that was more in line with my goal. I have worked at the same department store for 4 years and gotten into a comfort zone there. I don’t really like my job but it’s predictable and doesn’t involve much effort from me. It was just scary to think that I’d have to start all over and learn new things and meet new people. It could also be related to the fact that I suffer from anxiety and used to have a much worse anxiety disorder. Nevertheless, it just surprised me that I was more scared than excited at first, and whats more, hesitant to even accept it. I did of course call back and now I’m set up for a second interview. I’m still very anxious and it’s funny to think that being in an unsatisfactory situation is easier than a good one. But the fact is, there is an element of fear when you put yourself out there and actually participate in life. When I was most overweight or depressed even, the number one thing I did was hide and use every excuse possible for why I didn’t have to participate in reality. I think weight and depression, or anxiety are all just types of protective layers than allow you to make excuses for why you won’t apply for a job, or go to a party, or do the things you really want. You wish you could do certain things but you also know that the reality of it is scary, and it’s much easier and more comforting to live in the dark.

One of the many things I’m working on is trying to say ‘yes‘ to more things. If you know anything about anxiety you know it’s all about avoidance. So, I am attempting to go against that. Even if you don’t have anxiety, and the saying ‘yes’ thing is kind of corny now, there is a profound reality in it. When you do say yes to more things and accept that good things in life are abundant, then you can let go more and just be grateful when they come. Whenever I feel really anxious now and I don’t want to do something, I just make myself say yes anyway and then force myself to sit back and wait for the consequences (positive or not!). I have a minor panic attack and imagine things blowing up in my face (catastrophic thinking at it’s finest), but it usually ends up being amazing. It usually ends up in me having a new opportunity I could not even have comprehended with my best imagination. You always hear cliche terms but when you live it, you realize how true they are. I think it’s important to do the things that scare the hell out of you and make you feel like your heart is going to beat out of your chest and your stomach is going to turn into one big knot. That’s how I feel now waiting for my second interview but I’m going for it because it can mean a lot of great opportunities.

The only thing scarier than success or failure is regret, because you can’t do anything about regret. Regret is done, but fear is happening now.

photo-9

An introduction.

I don’t really know how to write the first post of a blog, but basically I am starting this blog as a fun project to sort of have somewhere to talk “out loud”. Since I moved to the other side of the world I feel like I live on a deserted island, and being in my late 20s it’s hard to make friends because most people already have their group of friends. I’ve always loved creative writing, and doing creative things in general. I wanted a space where I could bring a lot of the things I want to do into consciousness because it’s so easy to become complacent and unmotivated with the minutiae of every day life. Coming from a family where depression is also genetic it is easy to want to just fall into that dark frame of mind and not do anything, so I want to push myself to really make the things I want happen.

I think it was about 5 years ago or longer when The Secret came out and everyone was really into the idea of visualization and understanding the law of attraction. I think a lot of people, including myself, also thought that every thought we had was going to manifest itself immediately, so anytime I’d have a negative thought I’d freak out and think I was screwing up my life! But I think it is possible to really create the exact life that you want; I hope so anyway! It seems like you just really have to be sure of what you want, and be specific. You can’t just say that you want a big house, or a luxury car, or to be a millionaire. Not only do you have to be specific, you have to have pure intent and purpose behind it. Just wanting to be a millionaire so you can buy designer goods and be on permanent vacation isn’t going to cut it. What you want to make happen has to truly be what would make you feel joy in your life, and like you’re alive, and living your true purpose. It’s what makes you feel passionate. I’m sure we’d all love a BMW and a brand new house on the beach, but if that’s not completely aligned with your true purpose then it’s not really worth pining over. Also, once you are really living the life you have created for yourself, a lot of those things can come naturally.

Regardless, I feel like the message of that documentary was there long before it came out. What really resonates with me is when I speak to people much older than myself, like a family friend who is almost 70 and retired and he himself told me that, “You have to be the mastermind of your own life. You create your life, whatever you want it to be, it’s up to you.” I think the best people to learn from are often people with the most experience. Just looking at how I think now compared to when I was 18 for example, is completely different. The older you get the more you realize what’s really important in life. So to hear people in retirement tell me that life should be about whatever I want it to be, and all the trivial things, the obligations, are not worth the time, really makes you stop and think.