An off week & a question for you all

I have not written a blog post in a few weeks and I’ve missed it! I have had a very hectic couple of weeks and after my last finals I had two weeks off from school. It was definitely a much needed break because I was just studying non stop. I went to Vegas again for my husband’s birthday, and this time we went to see some more scenery and headed up to Red Rock Mountains. It was beautiful there and we took a very short hike. If I had the right shoes on I would have liked to go further, even in the high heat of the desert! In the second photo you will see we saw some weird spiral rock formation.

IMG_3149IMG_3200So, I wanted to come on and admit my failures and the fact that I am a hypocrite. I know the last couple of posts have been very positive and my last post was about being committed wherever you are. But, being on vacation and then coming back to a lot of stress made me fall off track for a week. I don’t deal well with stress and that paired with my anxiety disorder is why I developed an addiction to food in the first place. I just wanted to come on and be real and admit that the journey to a goal is not always perfect. I’m not perfect and I have my weaknesses that can rear their ugly head now and then. I have never been someone who eats when they’re depressed. In fact that is the time I don’t eat anything! But when I am really stressed I have difficulty coping with it well and it is something I continue to work on.

I have been stressed because I am now in my last semester before I graduate with my AA degree with a 4.0 GPA. I have really worked my butt off in school and it has been my priority. But lately I have really been stressing about what major to pick and I am torn between how viable it is to follow your passion, and whether I should choose stability and security instead. I could very well have both but it is stressful! In our current time when technology is changing rapidly, the work market isn’t the same. Having a degree is now just 50% of what you need, when it used to be ALL you needed. But I’m not going to go into that in this post.

Other than that our lease on our apartment was ending so we were looking for a new place to live, and home hunting is almost as trying as job hunting! Long story short we decided to stay where we are because we like it, it was just expensive. So now there is the stress of having to work harder to pay crazy So-Cal rent prices. The fact is though that for me when things are really stressful and more so undecided and unknown, that is usually when I lose control. It’s hard to stay on track when you don’t know what life will be in a month from now, or two months from now. I didn’t know where I was going to live, whether I should move back to Australia, which school to study my BA in, nothing. That really affects a goal achieving process. In order to be successful, you really need to lay a strong foundation down and have a plan. Being wishy-washy and indecisive gets you nowhere. This was just a very strange week too because my lovely grandmother-in-law passed away and I wished that I had gotten to know her better and driven down to San Diego to see her more. My dad also finally sold his business that he owned for 20 years!

During these times when life gets crazy and you don’t have control over things, you have to let go and let things work out. One of my favourite quotes:

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I think it is during these times, and afterwards that we can really see what we truly want. After this past week of eating poorly I really saw just how much I hate the way I used to eat. It has only been one week and I already feel drained and just plain disgusting. It’s only been a week and I already don’t feel as confident about the way I look as when I was on track. It really shows how important eating well is both physically and mentally. And the danger is that the longer you let it go on, the harder it gets to get back on track. It doesn’t help to beat yourself up over it, just get back on track as soon as possible. Now that I am back in school I am getting right back on track and I am even going to try cutting meat out of my diet. I would like to become Pescetarian for both health and environmentally conscious reasons.

I have also been researching the whole idea of following your passion as a viable career choice. I think after the  “The Secret” came out everyone was almost misguided and disillusioned by the message of that film. I definitely believe in the law of attraction but I really wanted to look into what it really means and what it takes to truly live a life beyond obligations and necessity. I mean how many people do you know that are living or pursuing their passion? Even when I look at people who are doing well, or at least decent they are not living their passion.

So I’d like your input on this:

Is it better to pursue your passion, even if you risk failure and struggling financially? Or, is it better to pursue a career that isn’t necessarily your passion but that you have some interest in and could tolerate doing as work?

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Actions speak louder than words.

 

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So, most of my posts have had a very positive spin on them, because I feel like whatever you want to achieve you should be in that mind frame of success. Also, they have been things that I have learnt through the many books I’ve read, and through my own experience. However, this week I’ve really been thinking that my actions really aren’t matching up with my words. Since starting this I have made a lot better choices, and I have been doing a lot better than I was before, but it’s still not right. I feel like you do the best you can with what you know. But, that stupid tool we use in our brains, where we justify things that don’t logically make sense, are starting to drive me mad.

I’m not going to lie, I don’t eat a perfect, well-rounded diet, where I eat 3 proper, nutritional meals a day. Especially right now when next week are my finals, I usually run off of coffee in the morning, with a piece of fruit, and then snack on baby carrots and grape tomatoes, and maybe have a greek yoghurt for “lunch”, and then dinner time I probably eat too much. I don’t eat unhealthy food, in fact I have healthy food, just too much of it. Some of the main things I eat for dinner are a homemade pizza where I use a minimal amount of flower, and minimal amount of cheese. I also do it half-half, because my husbands side has salami, tons of mozzarella, and other bits, but my side is made with minimal cheese, and more feta cheese with spinach. That’s all my side is, spinach and some feta cheese. Otherwise I do eat corn-tacos often too. I cook lean beef pieces with minimal oil, and only seasoned with salt, pepper and lime juice. Then I load them up with lettuce, tomatoes, and onion, and some cheese and salsa. This week I have cut out dessert. I’m no longer eating anything sweet in the evening, but I have been eating popcorn. I also felt like I completely failed yesterday because I had a banana for breakfast with black coffee, then a greek yoghurt around midday, and then after getting home at 5 I went and got some chicken pieces from KFC. I actually logged my food yesterday and my total still came to 910 calories total.

So, it may seem like I’m starving myself throughout the day, but it’s more of a, forgetting to really eat, and not having the motivation to eat when I have so much school work to cover. But the fact is, if i’m trying to reach a goal of being healthy, fit, active, and toned, I shouldn’t be eating like this. My calories are usually way under my limit, but I’m not losing any weight. That makes no sense to me, except I attribute it to drinking tons of water, and the large amount of squats I’m doing is creating more muscle mass. But the other day when I was at the grocery store my brother-in-law was behind me, and I saw what he was buying, and then what I was buying, and it was like this wall of denial and justification evaporated and I was left with the reality. There he was, the guy who amazingly lost 50lbs and has completely turned his lifestyle around buying a few vegetables…and then here I am with my shopping basket. It’s not even that I was buying horrible food, in fact I was buying ingredients for tacos, but I also had some unhealthy snacks too, and it just basically made me see the difference between someone who actively makes choices to eat healthy, and someone who is only doing it half-heartedley.

When I look at what I’m doing, I see that:

  1. I need to eat the lightest meals around dinner time instead of not really eating all day, and then having a large meal for dinner.
  2. I need to exercise more. I don’t walk as much as I should because I don’t make enough time for it, and I like to take my dog with me. The problem is my dog is a Chihuahua/Terrier mix, and so he’s frightened of his own shadow. Taking him for a walk can be an ordeal and I end up carrying him for a part of it. Mostly though, the fact that he doesn’t keep up a good pace means I’m not getting a workout from it. But any exercise is better than nothing right? My walks usually last 45 minutes and involve a lot of inclines.
  3.  I should eat proper meals during the day. I don’t know if how I eat during the day is terrible, it’s just I could probably eat more. Snacking on veggies probably doesn’t constitute lunch. When I get on a roll with my algebra or one of my papers I turn into a mad scientist who doesn’t leave her lab (computer). So before I know it 11am turns into 3pm and I realize I haven’t eaten anything.
  4. My husband and I don’t have kids so our lifestyle is very lax. Too lax. I’ve often told him that we live like a couple of teenagers. I’m not saying we sit around smoking pot, and then eat Cheetos. It’s just that we don’t have to do a proper grocery shopping, or sleep at a certain time, or have certain food in the house like milk and bread so our children don’t get taken by CPS. Basically, we need more structure, and to grow the fudge up.
  5. I need to do more core-strength training. I have to make time for crunches, weights, squats etc.
  6. I can’t use every hiccup as a reason why my diet can go on hiatus. This week I had a medical issue come up, and I currently live in the U.S. so you can probably assume I have no health insurance. But, no need to fret, Obama is coming to the rescue…………..Back to reality though, stress is more reason to find BETTER ways to cope than drinking like a sailor and eating like Honey Boo Boo.
  7. Just because I don’t look like Adriana Lima in week 2 does not mean what I’m doing isn’t working.

So I think it’s time to stop sailing my little canoe down the river of denial and get my shit together.

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Summer Eating

I find that it’s easier to eat well in summertime (even though it’s still spring), because you don’t crave warm, comfort food as much. Now that it’s getting warmer what helps me to stay on track is to pre-prepare food so that it’s easily accessible, just like junk food is. At the beginning of the week I wash and prep grape tomatoes, baby carrots, and celery sticks and put them in Tupperware containers. Doing things like that really helps because when you get hungry you can easily just go to the fridge and get these snacks, instead of looking for junk. I LOVE grape tomatoes especially, they are so good!

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All three of these are full of vitamins too like vitamin A and C, as well as magnesium, folate, phosphorous and fiber. The only problem I have with these healthy snacks is having to share them with my miniature dog who has a thing for baby carrots.

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Warmer weather also makes salads more appetizing, and I love mixing up my salads to make them more interesting. I’ve found that making healthy food seem like something I actually want to eat, makes it easier to choose over heavy, calorie-laden food. Now that mangoes are coming into season I love adding them in salads because the mixture of sweetness and tartness is really delicious. I don’t like store-bought dressing because there are too many ingredients on the label, so I like to make my own simple version of either lemon juice or apple cider vinegar, and a bit of olive oil.

MANGO SALAD

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