It’s funny how scary success can be when it finally comes. All we strive for is success, and we keep visualizing how amazing it will be and how everything will change. But, when it comes around often we don’t even feel ready for it. I actually think success can be just as scary as failure. I think it’s scary because success doesn’t really mean you’ve arrived, it means that now you have to step it up. It’s probably why a lot of people, including myself, put off doing things for so long. When you’re working on a goal you have to realize that achieving that goal isn’t the end, it just sparks off a new path; more opportunities. Success means having to now maintain that new lifestyle. It’s the same way with good things happening in your life, it can make you anxious. When too many good things start coming into your life you start getting worried that something is wrong and that something terrible is sure to follow. I know this isn’t the case for everybody but it seems fairly common.
Since I decided to live more purposefully and consciously, my life has been going really well. I finally feel like I’m on the right path and that I’m not wasting my time and watching life go by. When you start following all the things you believe in and are consistently working towards your goals everything seems to fall into place.
I still have a ways to go before I achieve most of my goals, but certain little successes have been coming my way. Today I saw that I have lost a total of 15lbs so far, which is really awesome. I also recently have been applying for other jobs, namely at banks because my major at Uni is business finance. I haven’t had luck for a while, but after applying for the 3rd time to the same bank I finally got a call back for an interview yesterday. I initially missed the call and listened to the voicemail, and I actually asked myself whether I even wanted to call the staffing agency back! It scared me that I would actually have the chance to change jobs and get into something that was more in line with my goal. I have worked at the same department store for 4 years and gotten into a comfort zone there. I don’t really like my job but it’s predictable and doesn’t involve much effort from me. It was just scary to think that I’d have to start all over and learn new things and meet new people. It could also be related to the fact that I suffer from anxiety and used to have a much worse anxiety disorder. Nevertheless, it just surprised me that I was more scared than excited at first, and whats more, hesitant to even accept it. I did of course call back and now I’m set up for a second interview. I’m still very anxious and it’s funny to think that being in an unsatisfactory situation is easier than a good one. But the fact is, there is an element of fear when you put yourself out there and actually participate in life. When I was most overweight or depressed even, the number one thing I did was hide and use every excuse possible for why I didn’t have to participate in reality. I think weight and depression, or anxiety are all just types of protective layers than allow you to make excuses for why you won’t apply for a job, or go to a party, or do the things you really want. You wish you could do certain things but you also know that the reality of it is scary, and it’s much easier and more comforting to live in the dark.
One of the many things I’m working on is trying to say ‘yes‘ to more things. If you know anything about anxiety you know it’s all about avoidance. So, I am attempting to go against that. Even if you don’t have anxiety, and the saying ‘yes’ thing is kind of corny now, there is a profound reality in it. When you do say yes to more things and accept that good things in life are abundant, then you can let go more and just be grateful when they come. Whenever I feel really anxious now and I don’t want to do something, I just make myself say yes anyway and then force myself to sit back and wait for the consequences (positive or not!). I have a minor panic attack and imagine things blowing up in my face (catastrophic thinking at it’s finest), but it usually ends up being amazing. It usually ends up in me having a new opportunity I could not even have comprehended with my best imagination. You always hear cliche terms but when you live it, you realize how true they are. I think it’s important to do the things that scare the hell out of you and make you feel like your heart is going to beat out of your chest and your stomach is going to turn into one big knot. That’s how I feel now waiting for my second interview but I’m going for it because it can mean a lot of great opportunities.
The only thing scarier than success or failure is regret, because you can’t do anything about regret. Regret is done, but fear is happening now.