Tomorrow never comes.

Everyone has their own goals that would make their life better in their perspective. I love talking to people, meeting people, and learning about who they are and what they’re passionate about. I probably get annoying to people because I am very open and upfront, and just outright ask them personal things. I have a lot of goals I am working on like getting my degree and attempting to save money to travel as much of the world as possible. But one of the biggest goals I have right now is to get back down to my ideal weight. Since I moved to the U.S several years ago I had a really hard time leaving everything I knew to just about be completely independent at 21. From there all my bad habits of eating poorly to deal with my anxiety came rushing back to haunt me on a daily basis. So, very gradually I gained a good chunk of weight that became harder and harder to lose. And it’s frustrating because before I moved out here I had changed my entire life and worked my tooshie off to get down to 125lbs and in the best shape of my life. I worked out daily, and ate a very healthy, clean diet. So you can only image how devastating it would be to gain 40lbs and absolutely hating the way you look.

When you gain weight you just feel uncomfortable with yourself, heavy, and fatigued. That’s pretty obvious.

But, it just gets to be a self-destructive cycle of: I’m depressed about my weight, I need to lose weight, I’m depressed though so I’m going back to old tricks, crap I shouldn’t have done that, now I’m still overweight. The worst thing for me is procrastination. I think the biggest reason why I haven’t lost the weight in the several years I’ve lived here is because I keep putting it off. I keep saying it’s not a good time to start, and that I can start next week, or tomorrow, or when Jesus returns. But it never happens. Tomorrow never comes.

It’s definitely related to a lot of other things too like not having a support network around me. The only person I really have in my life right now is my husband. Everyone else I know is back home. I think being so isolated is what makes it easy to just get into this naive frame of mind where you keep deluding yourself and saying, “You know what, I’m not HUGE though. I’m not AWFUL. It’s not THAT bad.” You’re looking in the mirror at yourself sideways, sucking in and going, “I look totally fine!” Yet at the same time you’ve become all but agoraphobic and your life is akin to that of a hermit crab. I think that’s a red flag….

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2 thoughts on “Tomorrow never comes.

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